Advice: ¨Pre-wedding Jitters?

Expert advice from Jeffrey

Dear Jeffrey,

I am getting married to a wonderful, caring and handsome man next month. I should be looking forward it, but I am scared shitless. When I tell my friends this, they laugh and say it is just pre-wedding jitters. My mother has said the same thing. They all say that Rick is a 'real find' and that I should hang in there.

I want to believe them. I don't want to cancel the wedding, but I cannot calm my doubts. What do you suggest I do?

Signed,

Miss Doubtful

* * * * *

Dear Miss Doubtful,

It is perfectly understandable that you would have doubts before a wedding. After all, it is a major event in your life. But the question is, are the doubts just pre-wedding jitters as your friends say; or are you making the biggest mistake of your life? Might you be walking into a den of misery in a relationship with a man who seems "nice" on the outside, but who farts and snores through the night and slaps you with fish for no reason during the day?

You were good enough to have sent me a photograph of Rick and you. Having looked at it, I can only say that you are a very attractive young woman while Rick is already showing signs of male pattern baldness and is clearly overweight. He'll doubtless be morbidly obese and bald in a few years. I suspect there are hygiene issues too. He looks like that kind of guy.

I suggest you postpone your wedding for a year while you gain more experience and try out more men; especially older, experienced men like me. Indeed, if you're not doing anything tomorrow evening, let's meet up at the Lacy Love Hotel just across town from you. It's a discreet place that rents out clean rooms by the hour.

In a year's time you'll know what you want in a man − and it probably won't be an overweight, bald wuss like Rick.

But, of course, the decision is yours.

Jeffrey

 

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